why repaint the car when all that needs fixed is the oil gage?

An interesting perspective brought to me yesterday- what if, in this process of self discovery, I've been looking so hard and trying to stir things up that aren't really there? What if there are some things in me that are just "over developed" and instead of seeing where the goal is, and attaching myself to it, I've gotten panicked, stirred up the water, and instead of being clear and able to see through it, there's dust and bubbles and crap all distorting my view of where the goal really is?

Food for thought, I suppose. Excited for some me time tonight.

fears, sunshine, and frost on the car windows

Today marks the second day in a row that I have had to defrost the car windows. Fall and winter are definitely on their respective ways, at least here in Summit County. Few remnants of the snowfall from Monday still remain up on the peaks, but most of it has melted away. I go through it every year, but about this time I get excited for the snow to start falling and the skiing to begin...and in February I will be so over it I'll be ready to pack up my stuff and move to the beach.

Hard to believe that this year marks my fourth winter here in the county. I feel like so much has come and gone in my life since I've been here, which I suppose makes sense especially in light of recent events in my life. I haven't sorted through the last 4 months or so yet, and the deeper I go on this journey of rediscovering myself the more I realize that there is more to myself and my emotions and feelings than I have ever realized.

On that subject, I've thought a lot about fear lately, mostly on a personal level. Why is it that I have for all of my life that I can remember, been so encompassed by fear? More so, how do I combat that? How do you unlearn a way of thinking that you've been using for 20 years?

These are the questions that keep me awake at night.